Frequently Asked Questions.

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  • +Me and my girlfriend want to bring another girl into the bedroom. What is the best way to do this? - Jason
    The thought of bringing someone new into the bedroom can be exciting and fun but actually carrying out that fantasy can sometimes be difficult. If you don't already have someone in mind there are many websites that help you find alternative sexual encounters. When introducing someone else into the relationship I always tell couples to make sure they are willing to communicate and be honest with each other throughout the endeavor, especially when meeting new people. You want to make sure you both connect and trust the third party. If you already have someone in mind assess the relationship and situation - Will asking hurt your relationship with them? Is it someone you can both trust? Etc. If you feel comfortable that they are the right person then, together as a couple, ask them to be involved. It can be uncomfortable the first time but don't let that make you feel ashamed about what you want to do. It's healthy to see couples be honest with each other and explore.
  • +I have fantasies about rape. Is this bad? - Corinna
    Absolutely not. Rape fantasies are very common with women and even men. Fantasies are just that and do not usually transfer to the desire to actually be raped or rape others in real life. People often make the mistake of assuming it is what you desire in real life and end up shaming themselves or others. Fantasies are natural whether they always make sense or not, but inside your head is the safest way to experience these sexual desires. The idea of rape can be very erotic because it means loss of control and experiencing a strength beyond yourself. Many couples act out rape scenarios and this is ok. By having these fantasies it does not mean you condone rape.
  • +I have trouble telling my husband what I like in bed. How can I fix this? - Jenn
    For many it can be uncomfortable to communicate what they like sexually. However, keep in that your husband wants to make you happy in bed, and he can't do so unless you tell him what you like. With time communication will become easier. When you can feel free to communicate openly with your significant other I think you will find the relationship to be even more satisfying.
  • +I'm 21 and saving myself for marriage cause I'm scared and just don't want to, though I guess I'm curious. I feel bad for my boyfriend of over a year who is taking it as well as could be expected. What do I do? I feel so guilty. - Kelly
    First of all, do not feel guilty. You are in charge of the decisions you make around sex, and people should respect that. If you have sex before you are ready you may not have a good experience. Now, you've already made it clear that you are saving yourself for marriage because you're scared. Saving yourself for marriage is great, but if it's for the wrong reason you will never get the fulfillment that is intended from waiting. Remember, if you are afraid now, and it's normal to be, you will still be afraid when you are married. I am not urging you to have or not have sex, but I am urging you to open a dialogue with yourself about why you feel this way about sex and what you can do to help get more comfortable with it. Ask yourself if you're afraid because it will hurt, you're worried how you will look, you're not sure how to do it, etc. After you have some clear answers you may be able to start working through your fears.
  • +Lately, I have been trying to get kinky in the sense of the world of BDSM and being dominated by women. I am currently single and have been wanting to try, but scared because of the opinions of it being dirty, scary, and not of the normal. I was curious of your opinion how to handle this and getting into the unknown - Kyle
    The BDSM community is huge so considering it "not normal" isn't quite accurate. It can be scary though as it's often misunderstood, but don't let that keep you from exploring something you are interested in. There are many websites available to the BDSM community such as fetlife.com and bondage.com. I would recommend exploring those sites and forums and communicating with others that have similar interests. Through this you will probably find a lot of other resources that will be helpful to you. You will also find an entire world of other people that have the same interests as you!
  • +I recently read about prostate massages and bought a prostate massager. My girlfriend thinks that only gay people do it. What are you thoughts on anal play for straight men (prostate massage, pegging, etc.)? - Craig
    The reasoning that if you want something in your butt that makes you gay does not make any sense at all. How does wanting to explore an erogenous zone on your body mean you want to have a relationship with a man? Unfortunately, it is a common misconception. It has already been proven that the anal area on a man provides great pleasure whether it's from a women, a man, or yourself. Despite what some people think, the area you would like attention towards sexually on your body is completely independent of your sexual orientation. Please do not stop exploring yourself sexually. Your girlfriend may have to change how she views anal play on men. She also may need to redefine what makes a gay man gay.
  • +I find it hard to attract women mainly because my knowledge of sex is almost entirely based on watching porn. What do you recommend for someone like me who wants to interact more with women? - Jeff
    The problem here is that you have learned most of what you know about sex from porn. Majority of porn is not an accurate representation of sex. Porn is meant to be entertainment only and not a tool for education. Unfortunately, this is how a lot of people learn about sex because it is so available and accurate information is not. This does not make porn bad, but you definitely need to make an extra effort to learn from the right resources. As for talking to women, know that there is no sure way that works because everyone is different. Just remember that women are people and a simple "Hello, how are you" is great, and from there just talk and get to know them. And most importantly, do not take what you've seen in porn and apply it to real life.
  • +A lot of people I talk to say that using sex toys means you are ugly or not getting enough sex. Is this true if I am using sex toys like vibrators, dildos, anus bead, etc.? - Rhonda
    Absolutely not. People's reasonings about sex can be so skewed sometimes. There is nothing wrong with using sex toys, and they can often enhance a sexual experience. There are many women who are unable to orgasm from sex alone, and using sex toys has given them the opportunity to fully enjoy sex. Just because you use toys at home by yourself does not say anything about how you look or that you're not getting enough sex. You can use them whenever you want, whether you're getting a lot of sex or not, or whether you have blue hair, green hair, or are tall or skinny. Using toys can mean nothing more than you like using sex toys. Many people are encouraged to use toys in order to explore their bodies sexually and find new ways of pleasing themselves. This is smart and healthy.

  • +Hi Chanel I'm a 27 year old female with an odd dilemma. As of lately maybe a year now my orgasms haven't been as, how should I say, as strong as they use to be. Before when I use to masturbate or have sex with my boyfriend they were very strong and lasted a little longer. Now they're not as intense and last seconds. What's going on? What can I do to get my orgasms back to how they use to be? Thank you :) - Lorrie
    Years ago, I listened to a sex therapist tell people that it's smart to try different ways to get yourself off. This helps your body not get used to only one way to orgasm, and it's of course, very fun to try new things. I'm not sure what is happening in your case, but maybe try new things to get yourself off. You may find you have rekindled that strong orgasm again. Also, look into other possibilities - Are there stress-factors in your life? Are you taking certain medications? These both could affect the strength of your orgasms. If you feel it may be a bigger problem than that, try seeing a sex-positive doctor, and they can help you narrow down what is going on. Good luck!
  • +What would be the best way to figure out if someone I want to sleep with is into the same kinky stuff as me? - Dane
    This can be a little tricky since you never know how people will react. If this has been a big problem for you, try dating in a community where you know the people will have the same interests as you whether it's online or local. If you'd like to date outside of a specific community, wait for the person to gain some interest in you. Make sure they feel it's safe. People are more willing to try new things when they are interested in someone and feel safe or secure. Just understand that not everyone will be so willing to try kinky things, but if this is important to you, then you will have to understand and move on at times.
  • +Is it wrong to masturbate all the time? - Jason
    People have this idea that masturbating is bad, and masturbating too often is especially bad. This is not the case. Whether you choose to masturbate once a month, once a day, or 5 times a day, it's all the same. The problem is we have created so much shame around pleasuring ourselves that people feel guilty for doing it when it's actually a very healthy thing to do! It helps you relieve stress, and most importantly, it gives you an opportunity to explore yourself and get to know your body, which is important in maintaining a healthy sex life.
  • +I've been struggling a long time with premature ejaculation. What can I do to stop this? - Cal
    Unfortunately, I am not a doctor, so I can not tell you exactly why you are experiencing this. I know that men can experience premature ejaculation for a few reasons. Sometimes it's mental, and there are exercises you can do to help with the performance anxiety. Also, there are numbing creams and sprays that you can use on your cock during sex that will help minimize the sensation, in turn minimizing the need to ejaculate. Do some research, try a few different things, and see which works best for you. This is not an uncommon issue so I am sure you will find plenty on the subject. Good luck!
  • +I am in my late twenties and I haven't had an orgasm from intercourse. Is something wrong with me? - Elizabeth
    It's unlikely something is wrong with you. It is very common for women to not be able to reach orgasm during intercourse. Many women have never been able to orgasm at all. A few factors involved in this issue are the shape and size of the man (Try different positions) , emotional state (are you comfortable? Stressed? Depressed?), and your own understanding of your body. Are you able to orgasm through masturbation? If so, transfer what you do during masturbation to sex with your partner - It's okay to use toys during sex. If you haven't been able to reach orgasm during masturbation, try exploring different things that feel good. You can use fingers, toys, and vibrators. Explore and see what works for you. If you still struggle, you can see always see a doctor, but just know this is something many women deal with.
  • +Me and my boyfriend like anal sex, but when we do it, it is the last thing we do for hygienic issues. I was Wondering how do you do ass to mouth or ass to pussy safely without dangers of germs or bacteria?-Missy
    There is a lot of bacteria that you do not want in your mouth or vagina after having anal sex. That being said, these are not ways to eliminate bacteria but rather reduce. One way is what you seem to already be doing which is have anal sex last. Another option is to enema with distilled water before having anal sex. This will help keep you more clean and more free from bacteria. Please keep in mind that everyone's body is different, and this could actually stimulate a bowel movement, which is not something you want during anal sex. Try doing an enema anytime you don't plan on having sex and just see how your body reacts. Overall, it's not recommended to have vaginal or oral sex directly after anal sex. This will increase your chance of getting sick or getting a urinary tract infection or bacterial infection. Again, everyone's body is different, so some people do not have a problem with this and others do. Just be aware of the risks and listen to your body.
  • +Hi, I am an uncircumcised guy, and I was wondering if girls care if a man is uncircumcised or circumcised?-Derek
    Everyone has their own preference. I know many people (including myself) who prefer the feel of an uncircumcised penis. When the foreskin can glide smoothly across the head, it provides for a more comfortable experience, especially when it comes to anal sex. Again, everyone has their own preference, so there are many who prefer an uncircumcised penis or don't have a preference at all.
  • +My girlfriend complains that she always gets a sore throat after oral with me. She loves to deep-throat but always pays the price. What's your secret? - Ben
    Even after all these years, I still will sometimes get a sore throat after deep-throating. It mostly depends on the size of the guy and how rough the oral sex is. Make sure she remains aware of how relaxed her throat is. The more relaxed she is, the less sore her throat may feel the next day. Goodluck!
  • +My penis curves to the left. Is this an issue with girls? Do they not like it when it isn't straight? - Michael
    A penis can come in all shapes and sizes. There is not one shape or size that is "normal." This is also true for a women's vagina. All women have slightly different shaped and different sized vaginas. This is good news because what does not fit or work for one women will certainly work for another. Some women love a curved penis because it can actually hit more pleasurable areas. Also, there are many different sex positions that can enhance a women's pleasure based on the shape of your penis. Sometimes it just takes a little exploration with your partner to find what works for you both. - Chanel