Dating as a Pornstar

Dating as a Pornstar

Dating as a Pornstar

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I’m going to make two confessions. One being that I have online dated, and two being that I sometimes don’t tell the entire truth when it comes to what I do, for obvious reasons. Recently, I was chatting with this guy, and it was actually someone a friend of mine had considered hooking me up with in the past. This was great because I could check “friends approval” off the list immediately. The problem with this was I didn’t want to NOT tell him the entire truth about my job in fear that one of his friends who knew one of my friends would end up telling him. If I’ve lost you already then the point is I decided to be completely honest with him right away. This is almost always a mistake. The moment I told him my performer name I new whatever could have happened between us would not happen. People say to me that anyone who is worth it won’t care, but I’m not sure about that because if you have never met someone in person and you see them get double thrusted in the butt it absolutely DOES change things dramatically. And this case was no different. Of course, my friends said he was an idiot, but is a guy that refuses to date a girl that gets gangbanged really an idiot? No, if anything, he’s probably fairly smart, which is why dating is especially difficult for a pornstar.
I would think if there was a general rule of thumb for this sort of thing it would be to NOT date girls that get all their holes filled multiple times a week. Yet here I am running off to work everyday to do just that. The thing is, I love running off to work to have sex everyday. It’s a lot of fun and I’ve really grown into myself as a women doing this type of work. I feel I’ve become a more secure person, and I credit porn for that. Unfortunately, no matter how secure I am, I may often be overlooked as flawed because of what I do, and I am ok with that. I know the value of being a sexually secure person and couldn’t have become so secure unless I decided to be total slut on film. Until I find a man or women that is looking for a more unorthodox relationship, I will continue to snuggle with my cats every night.


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101 thoughts on “Dating as a Pornstar

  1. Seadreamer says:

    Hello Chanel, you’re a splendid young woman. Do you think you could live a great love story with a man who would respect you and who would respect your work ? Is it one of the things you dream of ?

  2. Andy Simonon says:

    Dear Chanel,

    Maybe it’s because I’m European, but I can’t help thinking that this reservation against dating adult performers is a completely outmoded notion that has no place in a sexually liberated society. When you ask the following:

    “is a guy that refuses to date a girl that gets gangbanged really an idiot? No, if anything, he’s probably fairly smart, which is why dating is especially difficult for a pornstar.”

    you seem – implicitly – to side with all the slut-shamers out there. Provided that the performer is std-free, I just don’t understand what the problem is. Why are gangbangs such a big deal? Lots of people outside porn do it. We are so accustomed to thinking that one-one-sex is the normative option, but maybe it isn’t. It could very well be that sex with multiple partners is the most “natural” expression of one’s sexuality, and perhaps particularly for women. Also, there is no way that one can infer a general personality from a person’s erotic preferences; the so-called slut with a three-or four-digit number of partners cpuld be the nicest person you’ll ever meet, and the innocent virgin could be the most terrible person.

  3. Reichstag says:

    I think you be fun to date, 25 years old and have always been stood up,

  4. Robert says:


    There are men you can have a serious relationship with. They are just rare. The man needs to be mature, confident, loving and preferable doing financially well. They need to love you, for the person you are, appreciate your depth.

  5. Allen says:

    This is incredibly open and genuine. Someone worthy of you will definitely cross your path. Having worked around adult entertainment, I find that we can become jaded against seeing the worthwhile ones and, unfortunately, often assume it’s an act or some kind of deception. Keep living real and stay open to the possibilities 😉

  6. Andy Simonon says:

    Thank you for writing such a thoughtful and eloquent blog. I admire your intelligence and courage. But I have to say I disagree with your position in this blog post about dating as a porn star. What you say about guys refusing to date a girl that gets gangbanged is not very progressive – your stance almost seems tacitly to endorse a kind of slut-shaming. The question of sexual health and stds aside, there is no rational reason for rejecting porn performers or other sex workers as partners. There is only primitive prejudice and a dangerous reduction of selfhood and personal worth to a certain way of being sexual. A woman who gets gangbanged regularly is neiher worse nor better than anybody else. Judging someone for their sexuality is an extremely superficial way of relating to them. Apparently, feminism and gender equality still has a long way to go. One might not realize it, but we are not there until dating a porn performer, an escort or a swinger is considered just as ordinary and unproblematic as dating a lawyer, a teacher or hairdresser.

  7. Luc Toulouse says:

    I would like to congrats you for your website, very nice. I am a 36 years old guy who loves your work.

    here’s my question. If you dating a guy, do you have to change your life to make him happy?

    I mean, change the type of scene you have to do (like girl-girl)?

    I think if I was that guy, I will never try to change you but in the same time, I will try to be “selfish” and keep you for myself.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      Some guys may attempt to change the type of scenes I do, but I have made the decision to not change the scene I shoot for any except myself. I believe shooting porn is shooting porn whether it’s a scene between a boy and girl or girl and girl, etc. I am in control of my own career and I choose to date people who respect that.

      • Luc Toulouse says:

        I know I got no chance but I got no problem with that. ha ha ha ha ha

        • TAPOSH DEY says:


    • Ahmat says:


  8. Jerry says:

    Ok, so here is a question. If you did find a great guy who was willing to date you and perhaps have a relationship with you. Would you hold him with a double standard? Meaning, would you want him to be monogamous to you or do you mind him having sex with other women as long as his heart is always with you?

    • Chanel Preston says:

      I have had relationships with varying degrees of openness. As long as I trust them and there is a conversation about boundaries and what we each want then I am not opposed to my partner having sex with others.

      • Priya says:

        I have watched many of your interviews and they were all excellent. Do you believe in marriage? In your opinion what’s the difference between being in a living together relationship and marriage? What qualities in a person will make you live with them forever? :)

      • TAPOSH DEY says:

        Ms preston Marriage is depend on trust,I already discussed here that many male pornstar has a family, but suppose you marry a man ,that man has a full trust on you that you are working in porn movie, in set there is fucking scene,but thats your profession, but when you are in home you are normal wife of that man,if that man brings a few call girl in your home ,if you allow him,then there is no positive sign of marriage life, so whenever you will go for marriage ,you choose a right guy and try to maintain a normal family life in your home as other people maintain.

  9. JJ says:

    I ran into you like a year ago. Didn’t think to ask you out because you were at this place with a couple guys and I was with a couple girls. You have a kick ass personality and I’m definitely jealous of the guy who winds up with you.

  10. Peter says:

    Hello Ms. Preston. My name’s Peter; I’m 26, and from the UK. Big fan of your work.
    Can a pornstar date a fan? It depends on the fan really; for some, it would be like a dream come to to date and eventually have sex with a pornstar. While a few might feel jealous and/or uncomfortable even when the pornstar they’re dating is doing scenes. What I’m saying is that it’s just as difficult for a fan as it is for a pornstar.

    That being said, I really think you’re f****ing hot! You are really amazing, in both body and performance. You are just too damn sexy.

    Whenever you’re working in Sweetheart Video, I’d luv to see you do scenes with my other fav pornstars; Veruca James, Dani Daniels, Jasmine Jae and Samantha Bentley.

  11. jack says:

    first of all i’ve just noticed your existence. wasted my earlier life not knowing you 😉 i maybe wee bit conservative. as a man i do like u. alott.. you are so beautiful and intelligent. i dont know bout other men but i think if not all men then it must be almost all would wanna date you but to have u as a wife well thats the difficult part.. im not an expert but not everyone feels secure especially when u have a partner whos constantly being other people and like u, multiple people.. altho i like u and yes i do wish to be with u but i dont know how long i can stand it.. i’d love u since you are good in bed but i’m not so sure that you’d be happy with me since im not a pornstar.. that kind of thing.. u see? and for some who’s conservative sex is supposed to be just between them but then u run off to work to do just that.. well thats kinda hard.. a man would feel insecure.. especially if he’s 6 inches and you’re banging 8 9 10 inches with thickness of a soda can..

    as for me i would love to love u and being loved by u.. but sure im also afraid my insecurities will kick in.. n maybe then it’l ruin the relationship? it’l be like a love hate situation.. i love you but i hate d fact that you’re being with other guys.. and im like most of the guys.. you are so precious we’d just want to keep u to ourselves.. im not that generous to share my precious with others 😉

    i love you Chanel!

  12. Reggie says:

    Hey Chanel,

    Could I ask you to elaborate some more on how porn has made you feel more secure? You say that it has helped you grow into yourself as a woman. This is an important goal of mine, obviously replacing “woman” with “man”.

    I am someone who has had very limited sexual experience. And limited relationship experience as well. Done it twice. In a relationship for six weeks. I am 24 years old and have social anxiety. This lack of experience is because of my own reluctance to open up and risk rejection. No regrets, as I am taking anti anxiety meds and am feeling more confident than I have since I was a kid (adolescence sucked for me). I am feeling good around women like I know what I do and don’t have to offer, and I’m fortunate that I’m starting college classes next week as it gives an easy place to meet similar (read: nerdy) people.

    Anyway, the reason this idea of continuing to become more secure and grow into myself is important to me is because one of my most important goals in life is to get married and build a family. And I wouldn’t feel comfortable marrying someone, or really even just choosing to be with them long term , unless I had a strong, confident understanding of who I am as a person. I’ve come leaps and bounds in this area but obviously have a ways to go especially as far a sexuality is concerned.

    I love learning from people who have great experience in an area. It’s like getting a free knowledge boost because they’ve tried things and can tell you how to avoid doing things the hard way, etc. So on this issue I can’t think of anyone better to ask.

    This was a long post but my question is in the first paragraph. Everything else is context. Enjoying your website btw. Really interesting and well written.


  13. Oz says:

    So i didnt read all the comments but im assuming its all a bunch of fucknuggets swearing up and down how they totally understand your situation and blah blah blah maybe this is the magic combo of alphabet that gets them in chanels pants

    Chanel, lets go eat sushi and talk shit about the kardashians


  14. razaa says:

    oh its realy hard to meet her i feel like a loser with so many guys i dont have the guts but i love her and always will

  15. Ben says:

    Chanel, I want to start out by apologizing for the late response. Just started to read your blog. Not only are you beautiful and sexy but your an intelligent lady whose very secure with herself. As a successful man in my 40’s I love that in a female. My suggestion to you would be to look for a mature man when dating. Someone who is not going to get jealous, or judge you on your past. I understand the stigma that the porn industry has, but that’s what you signed up for when you started along with when you get your paycheck.
    A mature male, who is confident and secure with himself won’t and shouldn’t care about that. Be honest with people when you meet them, they are going to find out anyway with all the exposure on the Internet.
    Just my opinion.

    Love the blogs , great idea !

  16. Robert says:

    Chanel I have learned over many years if you are secure in yourself and love yourself then love will find you. I believe you are secure in what you do in your life and person you find love with should be too. Porn is a job and your job is to entertain and make people lose themselves in fantasy for a time. All the better you enjoy your job. The man you meet should be told the truth even in the first date and if he secure then you know at least it is a start. Chanel I do not know you but have seen you perform, what I see is a person uninhibited about your sexuality and doing something they enjoy most people cannot say that about a job. You will find love and maybe it will be me or someone else secure in themselves to allow their partner to fully embrace there career and still be able to come home and enjoy each other. Best of luck

  17. mxfire says:

    Dear Channel,

    I’m a guy, and I admit that fear is a very strong emotion. My only advice to you Channel is not to talk about your work on the first date. No matter what you say, the other person will imagine the worst.

    Years ago, I once had a similar awkward situation on a first date. We were having a nice meal in a restaurant for our first date, but this girl had obviously too much wine. She was beautiful and sexy, and I could tell she was very interested in me. The evening was going very well. We both felt a sexual tension building up, when she started joking about favorites sex positions, and such.

    Everything was fine, until she started talking about positions that involved many partners at the same time. She had too much experience on the subject, so I popped the question if she had been in an orgy or what? She admitted that was her lifestyle few years ago, but she had stopped recently.
    All my sexual buildup suddenly turned into anger and confusion at the same time. I was no longer listening to her, I was just fearing HIV and other bad things. I just could not do it, so I aborted the date somehow. She tried to talk to me for a second date afterward, explain more about herself. I lied about the reason why I was not interested in pursuing to second date.

    I know, I am not be proud of myself. I was overwhelm by fear and never saw her again.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      The best thing about this is you recognize that you could have reacted differently. But don’t feel bad about what happened either. I understand why you would be confused and react the way you did. Hopefully, next time you’re in that situation, you won’t be so caught off guard, and you can react the way you feel is appropriate :) Good luck!

  18. Fabio says:

    Dear Chanel,

    of course my opinion i think is biased because i am a big fan of yours!! Well Chanel a man who decides to stop dating a woman who is a porn actress….well let me tell you that is a man who lacks OF PERSONALITY AND AN INSECURE GUY!!!!
    And i will explain you soon why….first because he has not the nut to understand that porn is just acting…i would say erotic acting…it is just sexual acting…nothing more!!!
    I would say that he lacks of intellligence too…because he of course does not undestand that porn acting does not mean being a prostitute or not loving her man….porn acting is just a segment of acting or a kind of recitation!!!
    Many man think that their girlfriend or wives are faithful but do not know how easily and often they cheat them!!!
    So i would say that they are narrow minded because they think a porn actress would cheat them but they not understand that it is only acting like common acting where the couple of actors kiss each other for example!!!
    They are narrow minde because they confuse acting with being a slut!!!
    Chanel you only need self confident and open minded guys!!!!
    Enjoy your life and job!!
    Unfortunately we do not live in an advanced society!!!!

  19. Raymond says:

    I have no doubt whatsoever that making love to Chanel Preston must be the ultimate experience of any man’s lifetime. Just look at how perfect and beautiful that she is, from the top of her head to the bottom of her toes, and notice how much she truly loves to be made love to. What more can a man ask of a woman? My dream is to meet her and make sweet love to her all day and all night long. And yet I have to admit, that if she were my wife or even my girlfriend, I simply could not handle her having sex with any other man besides me. Something tells me that monogamy is not something that would keep her satisfied, so I guess that means that I cannot marry her after all. At least, though, I can enjoy watching her adult videos. She is definitely the best of the best.

  20. JonMichel says:

    I wouldn’t care just like this song if I am a Gentleman on land and a freak in the bed!

  21. buddhaislaughing says:

    Chanel…you are a very beautiful young lady, I am sorry you have been filmed getting your rear-end jack hammered into oblivion, sadly, some guys can’t get past the fact, the woman they want to bare them children… pays the rent by letting guys drill their corn-hole, while dressed up as a super-heroine… with garish lipstick and make-up, plastered all of their “pretty-little face”. You will have more difficulty than you know, when you want to leave this revolting, sinful vocation, you will want people to see you for “who” you really are…sadly, they will!… just another burned out “ex-pornstar”, desperately trying to hide from internet searches, that employers, and potential mates will invariably seek out and find. I watched your wonder woman vid…yeah, you look smokin’ hot and gorgeous with those big brown cow eyes and dark, lustrous lashes. Your juicy red mouth and perfect smile was a captivating sight, and your voice was sexy, and captivating beyond mere words…how can any man get past seeing you administer “helmet”, just before you get boinked and coated with “nut”? You can discreetly leave the industry and cut your hair nice and short, wear contacts, and get a smokin tan…in time people will forget, but remember, never tell anyone what you did, they will run from you like the plague baby! When you go to a beau’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving dinner, what are you gonna say when asked how your week has gone, before the holiday…you can’t say, “oh just peachy Ms. Jones, I fellated 5 guys this week, got shagged 8 more times, and was sodomized twice for good measure”…your boyfriend will wanna crawl in a hole, and pull the hole in with him!

  22. Jesper says:

    Dear Chanel,

    Not sure if you still read the comments here, but just in case you do I wanted to say a few words. I think the fact that dating can be a problem for porn stars and sex workers only shows that, as a culture, we still have a long way to go in terms of sexual maturity. Promiscuity between consenting adults who always practice safe sex is a fairly innocuous thing, and being neurotic or troubled by it is simply not very rational. As long as she is clean and healthy, I don’t see why a man shouldn’t date a girl who gets gang banged frequently. Or who works as an escort. Or who just likes sleeping around a lot. If someone you like or love has a lot of sex with other people, don’t feel jealous, feel happy for them! Because you do want the best for those you love, right, in every department of life? I would certainly not mind dating an active pornstar, and – if she was right for me – I’d gladly let her see as many guys as she wanted. Love has nothing to do with those holes getting filled, it’s about being uncompromisingly devoted to someone emotionally. We should quit being so blind that we think there is something inherently wrong or ugly about a woman sleeping with multiple partners. There isn’t. A gang bang isn’t the problem, the stigma that goes with it is the problem, a stigma that is deeply unfair to women.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      I appreciate your response. Although I understand the concern and hesitation to be with a pornstar, I agree with you in that we need to stop seeing women who sleep with multiple partners as ugly.

      • Jesper says:

        Thank you so much for responding to my comment! I’m very honored to hear from you. Women who sleep with multiple partners are if anything more beautiful than the rest. We ought to treat them with the utmost respect and love. I just can’t see why a woman who has all her holes filled many times a week should in any way be off-putting to some men (and women)… as long as the sex is consensual and safe. I think it’s really the attitude that women should belong to one man that objectifies women, not porn. And Chanel, I don’t know your status today, obviously, but I can guarantee you that here are many men with progressive values out there, who don’t objectify women and who’ll have no problem seeing the whole you. Everyone’s entitled to their own sexuality, and we love you for the way you live out yours. A slut is worth a thousand virgins.

  23. remain anonymous says:

    My thoughts are you were completely right to be honest up front, and I – as a man – commend you for that. It takes character to do the difficult and you did that, thus showing your character. Maybe you could have waited until that initial meeting seeing how it went, and if it went well then tell him the next time you two communicate. So don’t question yourself for telling him about your job, I don’t know you but that’s something I wouldn’t change.

    As far as dating a porn star from my perspective I don’t know if I could do it. I could fool myself into thinking I’d be OK with it but it would bother me at some point being with someone as you said “get all their holes filled multiple times a week”, I’d want to be the only one doing that. So it would create issues if not now, but some point down the road.

    Now as for dating as a pornstar I don’t know – or think – I’d be the best to give advice on that matter. You seem to have it correct – being honest (and not even blaming the guy for his decision to walk away, another great character trait) – even if it’s not currently working for you. I’ve always been the type of person who is “take me as I am”, if not, leave me alone. You just have to understand some (maybe a lot) will choose to leave you alone), and very few will take you who are.

    Finally remember this quote “Say what you mean and mean what you say. What you’ll find in life is those who matter, they won’t mind, and those who mind, they don’t matter”. Be who you are and those (friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends etc.) who have an issue with it… well, see the quote, and those that don’t have an issue, try to keep them around it whatever capacity they come in.

  24. Rick says:

    Thinking that men reject you because they are repressed, sexually insecure or jealous is a simplistic world view of the men you have dated.

    Women in porn are clearly narcissist – this personality trait is a turn off to most men and most likely the number one reason a man refuses or rejects a woman involved in the porn industry and the men in porn come off as self-absorbed, cocky, egotistical pricks – confidence is good but cockiness is unappealing.

    Humility is a necessary character asset for any relationship to work, but people in the porn industry seem ignorant of this fact.

    Almost all the women in porn today moonlight as prostitutes and prostitution retards a woman’s ability to be intimate and love.

    You being a porn actress sounds like a cop out, maybe relationships end because men see things in you that you don’t see or can’t see.

    • A different Rick says:

      I take a lot of pride in viewing myself as rugged individualist iconoclast and all too ready to tell the world to go to hell, but …

      If I was considering getting serious with anyone in porn, much less a major star like Ms. Preston, it would give me pause. For example, she’s written about the challenges of living with society from the perspective of her industry. Would you really want to deal with your family coming down on you when you take her to thanksgiving dinner, much less feeling like you had to defend her choices in daily life once word gets around? Maybe your boss might not enjoy the association even if you don’t mind. I’m poly enough to have had a successful “What are the three of us doing tonight?” kind of relationship, but very few people are secure enough to do that, much less have a relationship with someone actively having sex on camera. Will you still be okay with it when she wants to ventilate about what happened at work that day? Most guys would find her sexual experience a tad intimidating, to know there’s probably nothing you can teach her, quite the opposite. Size issues anyone? Being in a relationship with someone who travels a lot is tough under any circumstances. I’m sure you could write a book.

      As to the Rick above, I’d refer to you to Shaw’s great line in Caesar and Cleopatra about how the mark of a true barbarian is to consider one’s own way of life to be natural law.

      I hope things work out …

      • Rick says:

        Cute insult Rick, but for a “smart” guy you completely missed the point of my comments.

        I chose to focus on solutions instead of the obvious challenges Ms. Preston must face.

        We manifest our own reality – we can blame others or we can look at ourselves and move forward.

        If a person wants a relationship and is not in one it is 100 percent their fault.

        I am positive there are people involved in porn that have successful romantic relationships with other people inside and outside of porn.

  25. Honesty is beautiful. So is vulnerability. Security. Sexuality.

    The truth is you are one of the prettiest girls alive. And you exude a real raw passion. Curiosity. Intensity. And even a sort of sweetness.

    The fact that you love sex so much makes you even more amazing.

    I would love to meet and greet and eat and kiss you.

    And make you feel like the special girl you are.

    Thanks for sharing. And cats are lovely animals.



  26. Tell them later on in the relationship. If they like u for who u are then they might still stay. personally idk if i would stay with you but that’s because i don’t know u in person. just be yourself… there’s over 3 billion of us out there.

  27. Amith says:

    Chanel, you are a very beautiful and sincere person. I find it appalling that you think “Until I find a man or women that is looking for a more unorthodox relationship, I will continue to snuggle with my cats every night”. Any man would be lucky to be dating you. In fact, if you are ever in Miami I would love to take you on a date. I am tired of all those orthodox relationships because so far they have sucked. I am down to try something new and unorthodox.

  28. Bruce says:

    I just read this and all the posts. For what it’s worth my attitude has changed about this subject. In my travels I don’t know any porn starts (that I know of) but I know some women that did exotic dancing at some points in their lives and all the ones I know were working their way through college. And a few were single mothers that still were working hard to finish school. Chanel brings up some good points that I would have never thought of. We are all social creatures and we need to interact. Is not the stage name to insulate the average, mundane life from the very things Chanel is talking about? The subject of objectification of women is a serious issue and am sure exasperated in the adult performing field but there must be people that understand the nuances of the “working life” juxtaposed to one’s “personnel life”. I hope Chanel figures it out for her own happiness and then perhaps use this forum to educate both the performs and the potential mates that this type of life style is workable. I’d date Chanel just for the conversation!

  29. tony says:

    There are literally millions of guys that would stop what theyre doing to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

    Pornstars hear i love you all day from fans
    but thats not good enough

    Because guess what?
    Pornstars dont date fans


  30. Bingobaker says:

    Great article.

    You need to become an ex-pornstar beautiful.

  31. massimiliano says:

    many guys have to change the way you think
    My ex girlfriend was a stripper and when the told me there are still bad but I loved her and she loved me too
    So if there is’ love between two people, no matter if you’re rich poor
    the important sentiment
    I was you I would tell you right away is Chanel but ‘you’re too far away,’ cause you’re different from other porn actresses
    When posting private photos you can read it in your eyes that you are a sensitive person and full of joy.
    Never change a kiss

  32. Chris says:

    The ones who matter won’t care. My girlfriend has a past of lots of promiscuous sex, and I feel flattered that after all that, I was the one she ended up actually wanting. She’s lived life. S he’s open sexually… but there’s more to her than that.
    That’s really a common thing with me. Pretty much every girl I have been serious with had a sexual past.
    Guys like us are out there. We tend to be boring though. haha

  33. Brenden Messina says:

    Chanel, I definitely have no problem dating a porn star. You are so funny, smart, & beautiful any man would have to be the dumbest douchebags walking god’s green earth to not want to be in a relationship with you. If I was in a relationship with you I don’t think I would be able to share you with anyone else because you would be the only woman for me. Brenden P.S. You look so sexy as Wonder Woman.

  34. Arecksion D. says:

    I really like this article, and although it made me chuckle a few times (going to work to get your holes filled is one that I plan on using to describe my very un-porn like job from now on 😛 ), I also hope that you don’t get too down on yourself because you haven’t met any one yet. It’s simply a matter of time and chance before you (or anyone, for that matter) meets someone who is willing to accept and understand all aspects of your life 😀 But until then, enjoy those cats! Mine only snuggles with me when she wants to :(

  35. Terry says:

    Hi Chanel, cool stuff here on the blog. I found you through the podcast DVDASA where Asa Akira mentioned you a while back. She occasionally brings up topics like this on the show too, but am wondering do guys that work in the industry also face similar issues when looking for a partner?

    • Chanel Preston says:

      Yes, many people overlook the struggles that men face being a performer in the industry, but they face many of the same obstacles as the females.

  36. José Morelli says:

    Hi Chanel. I admire you so much, you are so beautiful and intelligent too, so much that I’m shocked to read this post, I mean that a guy had the courage to decline a golden opportunity to date someone like you only because he knew you were a pornstar. Ok, ok I know you think differently, it’s clear to me reading your words that you think this is somehow predictable, normal and etc, but MY GOODNESS…in 21st century, with all information available in the World it’s unbelievable that someone thinks like that – “I’m not dating that girl because she is a pornstar”.

    If that’s not bizarre, I don’t know what it is. And I still think this guy in particular is homossexual too. I’m not talking about the sexual desire of dating you only, not really. I’m talking about the golden opportunity of talking to you, smiling with you, telling you stories, giving you gifts, sharing experiencies, having a romantic dinner, enjoying a vacation traveling to beautiful places and etc. Do you actually know you are the kind of woman that inspires such male dreams? You know what, a real man doesn’t want someone to have sex everyday, a real man wants someone like you to be happy forever. This is something that I personally would love to, no matter what’s your job. Actually, nobody has anything to do with it.

    The more I read your twitter and blog, the more you look amazing and attractive. You are a pleasant surprise.

    Greetings from Sao Paulo, Brazil.

  37. Jay C says:

    I liked this. I think it’s nice to see that porn stars are human too and still have their own problems when it comes to this kind of thing. The problem for a guy is, he’s either going to have a huge problem with what you do, OR he is going to think it’s awesome and have seen your work already. Why is that a problem, you might say?

    Well when did a porn star ever date a guy who said “oh wow, you’re my favourite adult movie star, let’s go out sometime?!?!”

    If you do get past all that, then I guess you have to hope the guy isn’t worried that seven inches won’t keep a girl happy…… 😉

  38. Frank says:

    Chanel I think that you are a great woman, a wonderful human being and I understand whre you re coming from with this, I respect every person’s opinion, I think that every body is entitled to date/marry who ever they want, at the same time in my personal opinions I don’t see anything wrong with dating/marrying a porn star. For me it’s just a job. I dated a Spanish porn star before and the reason we broke up was because of drugs abuse, nothing to do with her carrer. If I lived in LA I definateley try to contact you and ask you out on a date. I have a lot of respect for you and other porn stars and I’ve been your fan for a couple of years now.. Take care and do what makes you happy…

  39. Nelson says:

    well i understand the guy, if it was me i wouldnt take you seriously for a relationship if you perform with other guys, i couldnt take it, i wouldnt have problem with girls though.

  40. Jeff says:

    You look like my Ex shelly, your both incredibly beautiful and talented.

  41. […] exploring sex acts such as having your hair pulled a little or getting lightly spanked is socially acceptable. Not many of your friends would freak out if you told them that your guy […]

  42. Larry Adams says:

    After reading all these comments and statements I have a question for you. Being in the business that you are, do you think you might ever be insecure or upset if you found out that a man you were dating and starting to care for was seeing other women socially and sexually, but was up front about it? Just wonder what you take on this might be.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      I actually have been in dating situations where we have a more open relationship. For me, it depends on the person. Some people I trust more than others and feel very comfortable having that sort of relationship with. It really depends on the person and the relationship I have with them.

  43. Alonso says:

    I am ready for an unorthodox relationship, it’s a pity I live in another country :(. That being said, it’s fairly clear you know how awesome you are, just don’t give up and you’ll eventually find that partner that knows it too.

  44. John says:

    Interesting post. Being in a relationship with an insecure person is hard. And it’s sad to hear that relationships can be so hard just because of your job.
    Do you have Kik? Or any single friends? :)

  45. Claude.C says:

    You are an artist. Your performances is art ( well, may be not every single one… ). You perform your art through acts of sex and communication. Your mind, your body, your sexuality are media of art. Nothing to hide. There is no right life in the wrong one.

  46. J. P. Tabua says:

    You strike me as a strong, transparent, woman, Rachel (or Chanel), and you blogged that this guy you dated was fairly smart for – I’m assuming – ending a relationship, or future relationship possibilities, with you, but, call me weird, I just think he wasn’t really a lover, you know? … Okay, maybe you don’t know what I’m getting at (most folks don’t), but I kind of take issue with any lad, or lady, who looks at love like it’s an investment. Listen: Love might seem like it’s an investment to some, but love, at least, to me is a gut reaction, and an annoying challenge. Hey, do you ever wish a guy, or girl, you’re with would just pressure you to read more books, watch more movies, hear more songs, or dance more good vibe grooves? I wish a woman would have the good sense to tell me to make my own God-damned bed, and cook my own God-damned dinner. Yes, like Cat Stevens’ I am looking for a hard headed woman, and I won’t stop ’til I find her. Now, this guy who went out with you, and, let’s throw a cliche in here, never called, he was a Prince Charming. I know the type; they don’t even have to dress nice. They just have this fairy-tale image embedded in their minds, and it makes them think women don’t sacrifice anything to be with them, for even one moonlit hour down by the shore, but these guys are blind to women. The Prince Charming types in the world haven’t the faintest idea of what women want, but luckily for some of them who might read my rambling comment I know exactly what women want. I’ve lived with two women my whole life, and do you know what they want more than anything else? They want compassion in the sense of sacrifice. They want some of your day. They just want you to give them the hint (and maybe the hint is all they need) that you actually view them as a human being, and that you really value their lives. Oh, and, also, they want you to listen to them; that’s a good idea, and they want you to know, and appreciate (keyword: appreciate), that they have minds, sufficient, of their own. Understand: Now, I’m talking to you, Rachel (or Chanel), again. Hear thy words of wisdom if I were Kris Kristofferson: Don’t let the bastards get you down. Now, for my real words of wisdom. Listen: If a guy is above you in his mind he’s below you in his heart. True love, if ever true, is born of curiosity, and not conceived of already known fires. The archetype in one’s mind, of perfection, is not really what one desires, so much as it is what one has become accustomed to believe is profound. I think you’re better than this guy you dated, and he wasn’t fairly smart. … He was fairly up his ass.

  47. chuckdaly says:

    I don’t know why everyone is trying to complicate the issue. Most guys realize that they are, by definition, limited to only an open-relationship with an active porn star or sex worker. Most guys aren’t up for the competition or the sharing. Filter out guys who want an exclusive relationship, and choose between those who are left over. You never have to mention your trade, just ask how the dude feels about open relationships or swinging and you will hear all you need to know.

  48. Rodrigo says:

    You seem to have something I miss from girls I date, something interesting to talk about, opinions, conversation skills… CONTENT!!! at last your blog says so… heh
    You need to use this (your skills) when in a date with someone and stopping worrying about what the guy will think, this will just reinforce your fears! You are not just a pornstar.

    I would love to chat with you even without dating intentions.


  49. Adam says:

    Personally, I wouldn’t mind dating a woman in the industry. I see it as an interesting and intimate experience to hear about new things in their life, see them enjoy themselves in whatever way they want. If it made them happy and didn’t involve hurting anyone, then I’d back them 100%. If the person freaks out about you working a job that helped become the independent person you are today, then it’s their own insecurities for not appreciating someone special in front of them.

  50. Daniel says:

    I was thinking about this subject yesterday. Would I consider dating a pornstar? And I realized at the end of my mental discussion that the only real problem would be if she lied to me about her career. That would be a deal breaker, because one cannot establish a foundation in a relationship that began on lies.

    That said, it is therefore clear that intelligent guys like myself are willing to date pornstars so you just need to keep looking. Dating itself is quite hard now for anyone. I have often struggled on where to meet awesome women; they exist but are notoriously difficult to find! I have no doubt it is the same problem for women regardless of career.

    However, career… it comes up instantly because we associate one’s career as part of the identity of individual. I would say your choices then are to
    1) be immediately upfront on the first date or even before the first date about what you do. It has the bonus of weeding out bad guys false on their reactions. However, I can understand its awkward and that many guys you already know you wouldn’t want a second date with anyways.
    so option 2) is delay the conversation of careers to the 2nd or 3rd date. When it comes up, don’t lie or mislead. Just do something like, “why don’t you ask me questions about who I am or my passions before what I do for a living?” Good guys will go bonkers over a statement like that.

    In the end, as long as you don’t lie about your career, you will eventually find someone awesome.

  51. Morgan says:

    It comes down to what you’re looking for. If it’s just a meaningless hook-up, then there wouldn’t be any problems with your day job. Heck, some guys might even view your day job as an asset. Once you start to enter the “relationship” territory, then it would certainly be a problem. Men don’t want to share women with whom they have “relationships” with anybody – either physically or emotionally. I would presume that women feel the same way, but as a guy, I stopped trying to guess how women think long ago.

    • Spacedogg says:

      I think your job would intrigue me , and your experience would intimidate a less secure man, but I know and am confident of my own sexual prowess, and would look at a relationship with an X-girl in the same way I did with the last girl I dated.You would be a fascinating experience, and much safer than she. Cause she was a Navy SEAL.

  52. zeb says:

    Actually the guy above makes a pretty interesting point in its own way. Obviously you have a lot of fans and are pretty well known, so would you ever date a fan? Or do you view that as crossing a weird sort of line?

  53. kayla says:

    Hey, I get the same thing when I tell men I’m a truck driver. I’m a 23 year old truck driver that doesn’t look like a man, talk to herself or have kids and isn’t married. I’m girly, I love to dress up, go out and party with my girls, have a good time with life. So my point being is whenever I tell guys I’m a truck driver, I typically get two reactions: first being I’m intimidating. I’m cute. I make great money, and I’m extremely independent. So they feel emasculated. They think, “where do I fit in? She doesn’t need a man!” Which is bullshit. We all would love to have someone around who cares for us, we all want or need someone. Or I get the other reaction: “great! You’re only home for 4 days out of the month? I would be a great fuck buddy for you!” They see no commitment. Which…sucks. Sometimes I even hesitate telling guys what I do, but I realize it’s just best to be honest. So I’m in the same boat with you, girl. I would like to find a guy that is comfortable with my career, comfortable with my money. I would like to find a man that sees that behind my job, there is still a woman who has needs like everyone else. That wants love like everyone else! It’s frustrating, but don’t give up! I won’t. I know love will happen when its supposed to. Your friend is right, he’s an idiot. Don’t let the guys who aren’t man enough to accept what you do, make you question your job or yourself. Being sexual is okay! There’s nothing wrong with what you do! Like you said, you enjoy your job. That’s all that matters: if you’re happy! Just have patience, someone amazing will find you :)

    • Chanel Preston says:

      Thanks, Kayla! And that’s badass that you’re a truck driver. I live in Los Angeles and I see those trucks in our traffic, and I always tell people how crazy I think it is that they can do that. And here I complain about weaving in and out of traffic in my little car. Anyway, thanks for the uplifting words and good luck!

    • Adrian Vincent Dixon says:

      Why is the man wrong for not going out on a date with Ms.Preston? He has the right to say hey I can’t deal with your line of work up front and there is nothing wrong with that!!!! It the same as if a male who is working in porn go’s out on a date and tell’s the young lady that he is out with “HEY” I make porn movies for a living!! If the lady says look I can’t deal with your type of work and her never hears from her again. Does that make either one of them wrong? HELL NO that person just was not comfortable enough to deal with the type of work that she/he does. As for the female truck driver you are not in the same boat your job is NOT close to being the same as Ms.Preston your issue is clear you are never home and people like to see feel and go out with the person that she/he is dating. The men have told you up front we can be sex buddy’s because he is letting you know up front that because you are never around he will go and find someone else to spend all of the free time that he has on his hands with someone else!! Put yourself in the other person shoes before you start talking bullshit about them.

      • Frank says:

        Adrian I don’t think that it’s necessary to insult and get violant in orden to try to make a point. You look like a fool.

  54. EvilNinjaX24 says:

    If I were in that situation, I’d always appreciate honesty up-front, as I’d like to think I’m an honest person, and I would DEFINITELY demand honesty in any relationship, be it casual friendship or something far more serious. Finding out something heavy after the fact would be extremely detrimental – best to rip off the proverbial bandage quickly and get it over with, ya know?

    That being said, I don’t think I could ever date and/or be in a relationship with someone that, well, fucks for a living. I’m just not wired for that kind of thing. I’d gladly be close with said person, but I would have to keep my distance. I’m not the type that would make demands of the person (“If you want to be with me, quit the porn!”), as that’s just silly and ultimately futile, and can/could/would/should cause resentment. I would be the best friend a person ever had, but any romantic endeavors would have to be tabled.

    Now, someone that’s officially out of the (in front of the camera) business? Psssht – it’s on and popping. What’s past is past, and we all have things in the past that should stay there (even if a quick internet search could bring up… fun… things).

    I don’t envy your position, love, but never hide or capitulate. If you want it, it’ll happen, and you’ll be twitterpated. Or something.

  55. Cristi says:

    I believe that it takes a lot of confidence to date a girl with a not so usual kind of job. I don´t know about Americans, but Brazilians are very machists, most of my friends would never accept such relationship.

    For what it takes, what my girlfriend would do for a living is not of my concern (as long as she is honest with me). I dated two escort girls in the past, I knew what they did way before start dating them. The kind of trust that we had in our relation was amazing, we could be ourselves. I like to think outside the box, I like to have my own ideas and I really don´t care about what others say (but I know this is not the most common behavior).

    Thinking about the benefits of dating a girl who does porn, well… I bet your work histories would be much funnier then the one´s an 8 hours a day, 5 days a week office girl would have. =D

  56. Sander says:

    I would definitely be honest upfront. There’s nothing worse than finding out after a while, when the relationship is progressing to a more serious level, and he turns out not being able to accept it. Both parties could be devastated at that point.
    On the other hand as stated before, you should watch out for guys who trying to add another notch on their belt by dating a pornstar. The difficulty being; how to weed out those guys? I would guess they would try and get in your pants as fast as possible. As soon as the conversation only starts to center around your dayjob, its the first sign to walk away (for different reasons). Someone who’s interested in what you do is fine, but he should be able to talk about different things as well.
    Someone who’s open-minded should be more easily able to accept what you do, but even then it’s important to keep communicating with each other. Just like in every relationship. Remember that the guy can be okay with what you do, but still be intimidated. Most guys are insecure about the size of their penis. Finding out that they are dating a pornstar could result in inadequacy issue’s. Again, communication is key here.

    How about dating with someone within the industry? I’ve always thought that there would be a lot of dating within the industry. Just like lots of people in the medical and hospitality industry do. Mainly, because they understand each other better and knows the level of dedication it takes to work in those jobs.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      I have datied one person within my industry, but he was actual a more jealous person than those I’ve dated outside of the industry! Just because you do this job for a living does not mean you are tolerant of others doing it, unfortunately. Also, I know everyone I work with already, and I’m just not interested.I compare it to knowing all the kids in your class. I don’t think there is necessarily a right or wrong way to date as a pornstar. I’ll just use my judgment with every person that comes along :)

      • Sander says:

        Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t trying to tell you you how to date. I agree with you that there isn’t necessarily a right or a wrong way to dating. I was only trying to put myself in your situation and trying to reason myself through the problem.

        But hey, what the f#ck do I know. I’m just an IT-geek. 😉 Totally different problems. Assumption is the mother of all f#ck-ups, right?

        Just remember; You’re the master of your own happiness. Live your life as you want to, with no regrets.

        • Sander says:

          Just realized how corny my last statement was, and I hate that. Eventhough I think it’s still true. I have to stop commenting on things, early in the morning when I just get out of bed and my brain hasn’t had it’s daily caffeine shot yet. :)

  57. Charles (Chuck) Lorenzetti says:

    First, I did date one adult film star off and on for about 2 years. I live in D.C. and she lived in the L.A. area and that’s why it was off and on. I met her as an escort and we hit it off immediately. I have also dated two other high end escorts. None of the on screen, etc. has ever deterred me away in theses relationships. The common element in all three was financial. I am middle class and could afford to take them out for some really good times. However, they always wanted more. I don’t think they were gold diggers or anything but they got so used to being spoiled by their rich clients that they expect it all the time. I have also heard very similar stories from 5 other guys thtat dated adult film stars over the years.

    As for you Chanel, I feel like your the perfect combination of beauty, intelligence and sexuality. I have even asked you to lunch once and will ask again. Wonderwoman has nothing on you…lol. But really!!! Luv Chuck from D.C.

  58. Rico says:

    Sounds rough. But girls are different from guys. Perfect example, a guy cheats on a girl – she forgives him, a girl does that to a guy? helll naw she’s out. Unless he’s that pussy whipped.
    Then again it’s best to tell them that from the start- I’m sure there is a guy who’d love to be with you. It’s just they don’t want to be that guy who “cuffed you”,(worried about what others will think) I know dudes that get ridiculed for girls thats been around the block let alone a porn star. At least you get paid!! I respect the hustle, it’s not like you doing it for free like the majority of these girls. If someone is with you they have to be able to deal with your career. Would that be considered an ‘open relationship’ then being that you have sex with others? What would be considered cheating if are with someone then? Hugging? Anyhow, head up! you’ll be fine, a relationship is a lot of work if you want to make it work! Big Fan, LOVE YOU!!

  59. George says:

    Chanel, you’re a better person for being secure as a person. That’s a great starting point in adulthood so go with it and let the rest of the details work out in their time. What you call as both unorthodox and extreme is just that, but then again, everyone has something that is or isn’t gonna work in dating and I think a lot of it is a matter of degrees of acceptance. I dated a woman, great chemistry between us, excellent kissing, great companionship, we found each other very hot but she couldn’t get past the details between us that didn’t work for her. You’re SOL on a date, I’m SOL on a date. Same results, different reasons.

    People can have trouble recognizing what works between them and another person and then they get hung up on what doesn’t work. All the while, they miss the important essence of that person.

  60. Frank says:

    I would say that being upfront is the way to go. Not every guy is going to be ok with your line of work and you should understand that. That said…others will be and being open with them will keep the both of you from wasting time. You’ll have the guys who will be turned on by the idea of being able to sleep with a porn star and then you’ll have a few who realize that after getting to know you…your line of work is somethinng to be turned on by and not jealous of or afraid of. It’s obvious from your tweets that you’re a pretty awesome girl so it will happen. It only takes one. Good luck.

  61. Bugs says:

    i admire your honest and wry take on the first step of potentially dating you. you’re totally easy (understatement) on the eyes, but you’re also easy on the brain. thanks.

  62. Albert says:

    Interesting take on the subject. I wonder if this would be the same even if you are retired.

    • Chanel Preston says:

      I imagine it would be much easier to date a retired pornstar. I think things are easier to look past when they are in the past.

  63. Creampieguy says:

    I still say that guy is an idiot. I’d say you need to find a guy or gal that’s as equally secure in their sexuality as you are. If you find that, your cats may want you to get them a dog to snuggle with.

  64. Ben says:

    Chanel I love everything you do, your by far my favorite pornstar. Your beauty and smile is what attracted me watching your work and you never disappoint. Reading your blog is short and to the point. You should never have to second guess yourself going on a date if the person your dating can’t respect you or what you do then snuggling with your cats is always better but I’m sure you’ll come across someone who loves everything you do….. #nakedwithchanel #chanel

  65. Richard says:

    This has been on my mind a bit recently. Obviously, if someone has an issue with your life choices, you’re better off moving on. But what if the guy had been ok with your career? Would you be left wondering if, just maybe, he wasn’t a little too enthusiastic about it? That maybe he was more interested in the fantasies you portray at work, than in the person you see in the mirror every morning(not necessarily entirely different people)? Would that even be so bad?

    You mention a rule of thumb for these sorts of things. I don’t think there are any rules of thumb. People like what they like, and they’ll accept what they’ll accept. We all come to the table with our own “flaws” and hang-ups, looking for someone who can accept us for who we are. Finding a suitable partner gets more tricky when you factor in the fact that we also need to accept them for who they are.

    Ultimately, I guess what it comes down to is that everybody needs some lovin’. Dating is hard, which is why there are so many services catered to helping people find “The One”. I suppose being a pornstar throws an extra element of difficulty into the mix, but I would hope that you aren’t condemning yourself to a lifetime of being a crazy cat-lady at such a presumably young age. I think that we all should be lucky enough to experience the kind of intimacy that can come with being able to explore and understand our sexual desires; you’ve just got a headstart on the rest of us. In the meantime, mayble look into getting a dog?

    • Chanel Preston says:

      You are right about some guys being too enthusiastic. That’s something I have to be aware of when dating people. I’m usually pretty good at determining who those people are, but I’m sure things will work out and I won’t have to be a crazy cat lady for long :)

      • theprofessor says:

        Interesting subject to bring up. I do understand the situation and would like to raise couple of thoughts:

        1. Life is about flexibility, not too soft not too hard.
        2. People are different and that changes everything.
        3. When a mental chemistry is present it allows room for discussion.
        4. Being in a relation is about compromising, the question remains who is compromising what for what and for whom. And the answers to these questions are purely personal, x might mean to y more than z, etc.
        5. Different perspectives towards a situation does allow a mind to grow.

        Personally speaking, it all comes down to trust, and not finding enough people to like you for whom you really are, doesn’t mean at all that you are not worthy of that. It just means you are different, and being different in a world where we all seem to be the same is a good thing.

        And as an advice maybe you need to stop looking amongst the crowds, and change the pile.

        Best of luck.

  66. Adam says:

    Sadly I think a lot of your peers from years past have helped to create this notion that you have to be a broken and flawed individual to do porn. That notion, coupled with ones’ own perception that a woman who has experienced “porn star sex” can only be (sexually) stimulated by that really works against performers dating non performers. No doubt it’s probably intimidating but you should look at it as such: you don’t want a guy who is going to break under that pressure without even giving it a shot anyways. I think as more and more people become aware that performers are people with an unconventional job yet they themselves are still every day people with every day problems, you will start seeing more and more guys open up to what you’re looking for.

    Also consider this, there are a ton of nurses who can’t land a guy either :)

  67. Fred blackington says:

    I would love to date u. When are u in Vegas again ?

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