Asexuality: Sex is So Complicated!
I recently watched this documentary on asexuals. If you don’t know what asexuality is, it is a lack of arousal towards people and sometimes lack of arousal, or sexual interest, completely. I couldn’t help but think how lucky they are. As an asexual, they are not faced with the issues surrounding sex that so many of us deal with. In America, we have created this very complicated sexual psyche. Even as comfortable as I am with sex, I too fall victim to this at times. It seems we have been conditioned to complicate sex, and there are a few factors that are the cause. One major factor is that we aren’t raised to feel comfortable discussing sex. Therefore, there is no discussion at all or very little. If we’re lucky, we’ll get sex education in school, but it is often very clinical and basically, shows a diagram of genitals and a scary video on extreme cases of STDs. Sex encompasses so much more than anatomy and STDs, so we end up creating our own ideas about sex, based on false information. We read about sex in magazines, in movies, and from friends. As a result, we end up having conflicting ideas, or shame, that can make sex scary and complicated!
All those interviewed in the documentary seemed very content, which makes sense. They’ve never felt aroused by another person, so they don’t even know what that feeling is like. It’s not as if they had it at one point, and someone came and snatched it away. For asexuals, sexual interest has never been there, and the idea of arousal towards another person feels so foreign. Because of this, I began to wonder if people might consider becoming asexual if the sexual orientation fairy gave them the choice. I don’t mean celibacy, which is where you are capable of being aroused and attracted to others; You just choose not to engage in sex. As a celibate, you do know what you’re missing, or not missing. As an asexual, you would have no idea what you were missing, and many of the complications surrounding sex wouldn’t exist. No more worrying about if someone will go on a date with you, nervousness about sexual performance, awkwardness of having sex with someone for the first time, desire for someone that you can’t have, etc. If you have a lot of anxiety around sex, asexuality might be sounding pretty good right now.
Despite all that I’ve said, I know that asexuality comes with its own complications, and I actually don’t think asexuals are lucky…or even unlucky. They are who they are, as we all are. The point of this blog is not to determine whether asexuality is more advantageous but rather to show that a lot of people feel uncomfortable and insecure when it comes to sex. This insecurity can lead people to feel like sex is a burden rather than an enjoyable or fun experience. We can turn sex into a more enjoyable experience, instead of a burden, when we give ourselves the freedom to explore and discuss sexuality in an open and non-judgmental way. Although sex can be complicated, it doesn’t always have to be because a lot of the complications we have created out of false pretenses surrounding sex. We can dispel the complications and confusion when we start having more open discussions and healthy explorations when it comes to sex. This will help make sex less complicated and less of a burden, so we don’t wish we were asexual.